The Many Shades of Grey
by klcarr892
Summary: At that moment she was sure her world only consisted of two colors: grey and red.
1. Prologue

"The Many Shades of Grey"

**Disclaimer: **Sadly,I do not own any of the characters.

**Author's Note:** Hello Everyone! This is my first official fanfiction! I've been reading it for eight years and I finally mustered up the courage to write one of my own. I was listening to the song "Flowers for a Ghost" by Thriving Ivory when I came up with this story (hence the chapter title names). This is completely written and I am just making final changes. I plan on updating a chapter a day. Enjoy!

**Special thanks to Rach (lilsmiles) for being an awesome beta despite her heavy workload. You have been great!

Now, on to the story. Sorry the short prologue.

Prologue

_ She sat tucked into the corner of a dark room. Its four grey walls seemed to close in on her as she slowly trembled holding onto the grey material in her hands as if her very life depended on it. Almost everything in the room was a shade of grey from the white bedding to the woman's dark suit. She gazed up at the one thing in the room that wasn't a shade of grey and it stared back at her almost as if it was gloating at her brokenness. Eyes fixed on the wall, she wondered how she would ever be able to continue. What reason did she have to even move from her spot on the floor? In a shattering realization, she knew he must have wondered the same exact thing every day of his life since, until… _

_  
The shake in her shoulders began to intensify as she could no longer contain the eruption of emotion welling up inside of her. At that moment she was sure her world only consisted of two colors: grey and red._

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_Sorry again for the short prologue. The chapters get longer with each chapter. I hope you enjoy this, I know I enjoyed writing it. Please Review! ;o)_


	2. Chapter 1

**Aurthur's Note: **Chapter one and two are fairly short but they get longer. I promise ;o) Enjoy!

Ch 1  
**"See my head aches from all this thinkin"**

_5 Days Ago_

"I don't like it," Minelli glared at Jane from across his desk.

"But this could be big, _huge_, if you just give it a chance! What if this is the one thing that could lead us to Red John?"

"Jane, this could have _huge_ repercussions that you're not even considering. I mean, you're talking about going behind their backs, lying to them."

"So? How is this any different from what I do on a daily basis?"

"This is different, _very_ different and you know it. My answer is still no. I'm sorry."

"I understand," Jane sighed as he stood up to leave Minelli's office.

"Good," Minelli replied as he watched trouble with a capital T retreat from the room. It took about three seconds from when Jane closed the office door for Minelli to realize that the consultant had handled the entire situation way too easily. Almost instantly, Minelli came to the obvious conclusion that Jane had every intention to go through with the whole thing with or without his blessing.

Considering his options, Minelli came up with two possible courses of action. One, he could call Lisbon in here right away, tell her of Jane's plans, and stop him before all hell broke loose. The second option was the one causing the throb in his temple to intensify. He could also go along with Jane's crazy request. He shouldn't even be considering the second option but something about Jane's actions was nagging at him. Jane had come to him first. That _never_ happened. If Minelli was being completely honest with himself, all he really wanted was for this nightmare to be over for Jane, for the team, and hell, for anyone who has been unfortunate enough to live through the horror that was Red John.

Having made up his mind, Minelli stood up and slowly made his way to the door. Before opening it, he sighed and muttered to no one in particular, "Why am I doing this?"

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_**Preview of next Chapter: "**Jane, I realized I had no good way to stop you from whatever it is you were about to do without my permission."_


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Thanks lilsmiles and Koezh for your kind reviews!

Ch 2

**"Wonder what you do and where it is you stay"**

Jane strolled into the bullpen and plopped himself down onto his favorite piece of furniture: his beloved leather couch. It was later in the evening and there was no one around for Jane to pester. With no one else in the room to impress, Jane spoke to the stain on his ceiling that bore a striking resemblance to Elvis.

"I give Minelli ten seconds to walk in here looking for me. Ten, nine, eight, seven six, five, four…"

"Jane!"

"Damn, so close. Yes sir?" said Jane, turning to face Minelli but not leaving his precious couch.

"Come back to my office again for a minute."

Grumbling, Jane got up from the couch and strolled back to Minelli's office.

"Yes Sir?"

"Jane, I realized I had no good way to stop you from whatever it is you were about to do without my permission. So even though I know Lisbon will kill me when she finds out I allowed this, you have my approval, under one condition."

"Yes?" asked Jane even though he was fairly certain he knew what was coming.

"We do this my way, at my speed."

"Of course."

"You understand what this means don't you? I really don't think you're comprehending this completely."'

"No Sir, I get you, one hundred percent."

"Just so we're clear."

"Yes."

"Okay, go home and get some rest. You'll need to let Lisbon know you're not coming in tomorrow. Don't screw this up."

"Ye of little faith. This was _my_ idea after all."

"Whatever you say Jane. Now go before I change my mind."

Jane nodded and left Minelli's office for the second time that night. Watching Jane leave, Minelli was beginning to think that the headache that was now pounding against his temple at full force was only the precursor to a long, horrible week.

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_**Preview of next chapter:** As if on cue, Lisbon's phone began to sing __The Imperial March_ which Lisbon instantly recognized as the ringtone she had set for Jane.

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Well, that's the end of the really short chapter torture but the cliffhanger and/or angst torture is about to begin so you may just wish for the happy short chapters again ;o) _


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, etc. It really means a lot. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Ch 3  
**"These questions like a whirlwind, they carry me away"**

Lisbon was in her office working on the usual mound of paperwork. It was getting late and she felt as though she was making no progress to the pile of papers cluttering her desk. Deciding that her attempt to catch up on work had lasted long enough; she switched off her desk lamp before fumbling around in the now dark office, for her purse and keys and walked out into the bullpen. In the process of locking the door, Lisbon realized that Jane's couch was abnormally vacant. The blonde consultant typically could be found lounging on the old couch at this time of night. In fact, Lisbon hadn't seen Jane all evening. She wondered what he was up to so late.

As if on cue, Lisbon's phone began to sing _The Imperial March_ which Lisbon instantly recognized as the ringtone she had set for Jane.

"Jane, can you read minds even when you're not in the same room with someone?" Lisbon asked when she answered her phone.

"Hey Lisbon. First, I do not read minds and second, I do surprisingly have a reason for bothering you at this hour, though you're probably still at the office anyway."

"Just leaving actually, and whatever on the mind reading thing. What do you want Jane?"

"Oh, I was just calling to tell you, I won't be at work tomorrow."

This surprised Lisbon. Jane hadn't taken a day off since he began working for the CBI. She assumed he simply didn't want to miss any opportunity to catch Red John. That, and she knew he avoided his house at all costs, but then again, she couldn't blame him for that one.

"What are you up to Jane?"

"Nothing, Lisbon. You know as well as I do that I have lots of time off saved up. I decided to use one of those days, okay?"

"No, not good enough. You forgot that I know you Jane. I need more than that."

"Fine. Not that it's any of your business what I choose to do with my time off but I'm going to visit a friend tomorrow."

"You have a friend?" Lisbon asked genuinely surprised.

"That hurt Lisbon. Yes I have a friend but I haven't talked to her in ages."

The '_her'_ made Lisbon surprisingly jealous. "Does this friend have a name?"

"Sandra Clark. She lives in Roseburg, Oregon. And don't be Jealous Lisbon, she's happily married. She came across my name after eight years of no contact and looked me up. We're having lunch."

"Who says I'm _jealous_? Roseburg, Oregon? You'll never make it there and back to be here on time for work on Wednesday."

"Oh how wrong you are my Lisbon. You see, while you were stuffed away in your office wishing you knew origami, since that would be a much better way to handle the pile of papers on your desk, I gave myself a three hour head start. I'll be there by eleven."

"So, you left the office around nine tonight to visit this lady friend who you never have talked about and haven't seen in eight years, and you're expecting me to believe you'll be back here by eight Wednesday morning?"

"Yup, see Lisbon, I knew you'd get it eventually."

"Fine," she replied, too tired to argue with her particularly annoying consultant. "Please just promise me you won't get yourself into trouble in Oregon. I can't get help you there, not my jurisdiction."

"Don't worry Lisbon, you can trust me," assured Jane as he let out a big yawn.

"How many times have I heard that one before?" she muttered mainly to herself. "Goodnight Jane. Hopefully, I'll see you Wednesday."

"Goodnight, Oh, Lisbon?"

"Yes?" asked Lisbon yawning, in response to Jane's yawn.

"Uh, Never mind, you're tired. Go home and get some sleep."

"Bye Jane."

Lisbon hung up the phone thinking it was going to be difficult to sleep with her mind trying to figure out exactly what Jane was up to.

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**Preview of next chapter:** _ "No it's not like Jane." persisted Van Pelt, "Besides, I already looked up Sandra Clark and she doesn't exist."_

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Dun, dun, dun. I'm pretty sure most of you have figured that Jane is up to no good but what is it exactly? Keep reading to find out. Pretty Please review. ;o)_


	5. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** Thanks for the reviews Koezh, krolinette, and Ebony10! They are much appreciated! Ok, here's the fourth chapter. Enjoy!

Ch 4

**"You disappear with all your good intentions"**

Lisbon strolled into the office the next morning feeling better than she had the previous night with her morning coffee in her clutches.

"Morning Boss," greeted Van Pelt who seemed to be extra chipper this morning.  
"Hey, have you seen Jane?" asked Rigsby who was focused on his computer screen.

It took all of five seconds to break Lisbon's good mood.

"He's not coming in today."

That got everyone's attention.

"Why not?" questioned Van Pelt, a slight concern showing on her face.

"He's in Roseburg, Oregon visiting a friend."

"Jane has a friend, well, other than us?" chimed in Cho.

"That's what I said but apparently he has a lady friend from his past."

"It's not that psychiatrist friend of his is it?" asked Rigsby.

Lisbon had to admit she had forgotten about her.

"No, a Sandra Clark apparently."

"Oh."

"He'll be back on Wednesday morning though so enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasts people."

Lisbon opened her office door and sighed as she looked at the papers on her desk. She was hoping they had magically disappeared sometime during the night but alas, they did not.

"Something is not right." Van Pelt said out of nowhere.

She had been working diligently at her computer for an hour when she decided to act on her hunch dealing with their absent consultant's whereabouts.

"What's not right?" asked Rigsby looking up from his own computer.

"Jane _never_ takes a day off. If he really was this eager to go visit an old friend, why didn't he just go on the weekend?"

"Uh, maybe he wanted an excuse to have a day off work?" suggested Rigsby.

"Ha, work" chuckled Cho dryly.

"No it's not like Jane." persisted Van Pelt, "Besides, I already looked up Sandra Clark and she doesn't exist."

"What do you mean?" questioned Rigsby.

"Do I have to spell it out for you? There is no one from Roseburg by the name of Sandra Clark."

Cho walked over to where Van Pelt was sitting. "Someone is going to have to tell the boss," he said pointing out the obvious.

"Tell me what?" asked Lisbon as she walked out of her office into the Bullpen.

"Sandra Clark doesn't exist. Jane must have been lying."

"I'm going to kill him myself," growled Lisbon as she took out her phone. "You better answer your phone Jane." She dialed Jane's number but was greeted with his way to cheery voice mail. "Jane, you probably knew I was going to call and shut off your phone. I know you lied to me and if you call me back within oh, an hour, I may just change my mind about giving your couch away to the unit downstairs. I can only hold off telling Minelli for that long. I have already told Cho and Rigsby to be available if you decide not to phone me back. I'm sure the two of them will have no problem moving your beloved piece of furniture. You now have 59 minutes." Lisbon hung up and slammed her phone on the nearest desk, frustrated.

"Uhh Lisbon…" Cho walked over to her as if he had just remembered something. "Minelli may know where Jane is. Jane went to talk to him last night before I went home. He was in there for at least a half an hour before I left."

"And you remember this now? Ok, I'll go talk to Minelli and see if he knows anything. Rigsby, put out a search for his car. I'm pretty sure Jane is the only one driving around in that particular hunk of junk. Hopefully he hasn't gotten himself into too much trouble."

Lisbon walked over to Minelli's office and knocked.  
"Come in."

Lisbon took a deep breath and opened the door. She hoped Minelli did indeed know something or she had a feeling that this entire situation was about to get ugly.

"Lisbon. To what do I owe this visit?" Minelli had a slight grin on his face at the sight of his best agent walking into his office.

"Jane's missing. I talked to him last night and he said he was going to visit a friend in Oregon but Van Pelt looked her up and she doesn't exist. Cho said Jane came to visit you last night and…"

The grin vanished from Minelli's face.

"Sit down Lisbon."

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**Preview of next chapter:** _"No, that can't be right. He was going somewhere last night. He left right from here. I talked to him on the phone around midnight." _

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Some questions will be answered in the next chapter ;o) Please review!


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** So, my internet wasn't working this morning so I went on a mad search for internet with my flash drive so I wouldn't have to post this tonight after work..haha. Thanks tigerlily124, Koezh, Ebony10, and MentalistLover for reviewing the last chapter.

Ch 5

**"Don't ever say goodbye"**

"So what you're saying is Jane came to you after receiving a call from someone who claimed to be a relative of Red John and he asked to go alone because he didn't want the death of any more people on his conscience so _you_ just let him go?" Lisbon asked somewhat mortified as to what she was hearing.

"Not exactly Lisbon. I did let him go and yes, he believes he's alone on this but I wasn't going to let our CBI consultant go off solo after a supposed relative of a ruthless serial killer. I'm having him followed by a team, just not _your_ team. If it feels any better, he didn't completely lie to you. This so called relative is meeting Jane in Oregon. He should be on his way right now."

"No, that can't be right. He was going somewhere last night. He left right from here. I talked to him on the phone around midnight." said Lisbon as Minelli's phone started ringing.

"Hello. Yeah, Lisbon just told me she talked to him last night. Ok, let me know when you get closer." Minelli put down the phone and looked over to Lisbon. "That was agent Moore. They just got to Jane's house and realized he had already left. They're on the way now but…"

"Jane's probably already there." Lisbon sighed.

Lisbon looked at her watch. It had been forty five minutes since she had left the message on Jane's phone.

"Almost time to gather the boys."

Minelli looked very confused.

"For what?"

"Oh, I left a message on Jane's phone and told him if he didn't call me within the hour I was going to give away his couch."

Her comment caused a chuckle out of Minelli.

"If that doesn't get Jane's attention Lisbon, nothing will."

Just then, there was a urgent knock on the door.

"Come in." beckoned Minelli.

It was Van Pelt and it looked like she had seen a ghost. "Boss, Sir, I just got a hit on Jane's car." Van Pelt was having trouble continuing.

"And?"

"California State Police reported a Citroen DS21 matching the description of Jane's Car involved in an accident at just past midnight on Route 5 in Corning, California. The report says the driver most likely fell asleep at the wheel and veered over to the other side of the highway."

By this point Rigsby and Cho had joined the three in Minelli's office. Van Pelt was visibly shaking as she continued.

"The 18-wheeler couldn't have possibly stopped in time and hit the small car at 60mph….the police have yet to release the identity of the victim who was pronounced DOA."

** Flashback **  
_12:05pm_

_ "Don't worry Lisbon, you can trust me," assured Jane as he let out a big yawn._

_ "How many times have I heard that one before? Goodnight Jane. See you Wednesday."_

_ "Goodnight…Lisbon?"_

_ "Yes?" asked Lisbon yawning in response to Jane's yawn._

_ "Never mind, you're tired. Go home and get some sleep."_

_ "Bye Jane."_

_  
**End Flashback**_

That was right after Lisbon had talked to Jane. He had wanted to say something to her. If she had just stayed on the line…

"God no."

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I'm evil, I know, but please review. ;o)


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: ** Thank you, thank you, thank you to the many reviews I got on the last chapter. As promised, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

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Ch 6

**"Feels like a ship God, God knows I'm sinking"**

**-**

Lisbon had to leave. This couldn't possibly be happening to her, not again. She had just lost Sam and now… No. She couldn't think that way. Not until they were sure. I mean there had to be more than one Citroen driving in northern California last night. She got into her car and started driving. She didn't know where she was going until she was sitting in the driveway in front of a large mansion.

Lisbon had never been to his house before but she knew where he lived. Why she was even here she didn't know. The agents had already called, confirming that he wasn't here. She had a key. She actually had a key to each of her teammate's houses in case of an emergency but it still felt wrong going into his house without his permission. But, wrong or not, Lisbon was here so she might as well go inside.

The first thing she noticed was the staleness of the air in his house. Did he ever open a window in here? Probably not. The second thing she noticed was the obvious lack of furniture. She counted three pieces: two chairs set up in front of the kitchen's breakfast bar and a couch in the large living room which was covered by a white sheet. It didn't even look like anyone was living here.

Climbing the stairs, Lisbon realized there must have been pictures hanging in the hallway at some point due to the discoloration in the pale wallpaper where the memories once hung. Each step became more difficult than the last as she felt her composure faltering. She came to a closed door at the end of the hall and wondered what sad secrets she would find in that room.

Grabbing the handle, Lisbon slowly opened the door and was horrified by the sight that met her. A sound came from Lisbon that sounded like a combination of a gasp and a sob. She walked slowly into the. Jane must have been trying to torture himself, sleeping in the same room with the horrible image on the wall. She hadn't quite understood the extent of his guilt until now.

Before she knew it she was against the back wall of Jane's bedroom. She slid sown the wall, until she was on the floor, when her hands came into contact with something other than the pale carpet. Picking up the object, Lisbon tried to decipher what she was holding in the dim light. Realizing what the material was, Lisbon's hands began to tremble as her final threads of strength began to snap.

Lisbon clutched the grey jacket of Jane's favorite three-piece suit as her cell phone began to buzz. Van Pelt. Lisbon wasn't going to answer, fearing she already knew what Van Pelt was going to say. For some reason it was easier to deny the bleak reality, rather than to face it. She let Van Pelt leave a message before bringing her phone to her ear, trembling as she pressed the button to dial her voicemail.

"Boss, I don't know how to tell you this but it's true. It's all over the news here now. I'm glad you left. They showed images of the car…" Van Pelt's voice cracked. "They're saying he probably didn't feel a thing. Oh God, what are we going to do?" Van pelt was sobbing into the phone. "I, I, got to go."

Lisbon should have been able to pick herself off of the floor to be with her team. She was their leader and they needed her but she couldn't move. She had no strength left as she continued to shake and stare at the grey walls, and that smile.

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**Preview of next chapter: **_They walked out of the building into the black limo. Lisbon didn't remember much of the short ride. She was busy looking out at the grey clouds and the pouring rain as the drops pelted against the tinted window._

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So this is about where the prologue would have taken place as you can probably gather. We're about halfway through. I will upload again tomorrow. Please review ;o)


	8. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:** This was the most difficult chapter to write for some reason. I think i'm finally satisfied with it. As always, thank you to those who reviewed, favorited, or story alerted.

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Ch 7

**"Who will bring me flowers when it's over?"**

When it rained it poured and it was pouring today. Lisbon wiped her eyes for the five-hundredth time and gave herself a once-over in the mirror before going out to meet her team. They were going to do this together. At least Lisbon could find a little comfort in that. She squared her shoulders and walked out of the restroom. She would be strong for them, for him.

Lisbon found Cho waiting right outside of the door as if he was standing guard over her. She offered him an attempt at a grin to say thank you for watching out for her. Van Pelt was in Rigsby's arms, crying on his shoulder and while she should have cared she really didn't and was instead a bit jealous that she had someone to lean on. Three hours. That's how long she had to keep up this façade.

Minelli had made all the arrangements. It didn't take much convincing from him to take on that responsibility. Lisbon figured he was blaming himself over the whole thing.

They walked out of the building into the black limo. Lisbon didn't remember much of the short ride. She was busy looking out at the grey clouds and the pouring rain as the drops pelted against the tinted window.

**Flashback**

_Lisbon and Jane were standing on the front porch staring out into the pouring rain._

_ "So?"_

_ "So"_

_ "Seems like this whole thing changed your mind about vengeance." _

_ "Has it?"_

_ "Revenge is for fools and mad men." Lisbon quoted him back._

_ "__Yeah, that was rather good, I thought. Total nonsense, but quite good nonetheless."_

_ Jane and Lisbon make a mad dash for the SUV. While waiting for Lisbon to open the car door, Jane took the opportunity to taste the rain drops._

_**End Flashback**_

The sound of dirt hitting wood woke Lisbon from the trance she had been walking in all day. The rest of the small crowd had begun to disperse, leaving her team alone to say goodbye.

A clap of thunder broke the silence which had held the four agents in a haze by the site of the grave. Cho was first to speak, verbalizing a promise that he had taken upon himself to fulfill in the wake of the days' events.

"We'll get him Jane." Cho stated intently, obviously referring to Red John. "We'll get him or die trying."

"Rest now Jane," whispered Van Pelt tearfully, "no more nightmares."

Rigsby held on to Van Pelt for dear life. It was hard to tell who was comforting who.

Lisbon didn't know what to say so she verbalized the first thing that came to her mind. "I didn't give away your couch. You probably knew I couldn't possibly go through with it. I'll never give it away as long as I'm working in the CBI, maybe it'll give us good luck finding Red John."

The four teammates stood in the pouring rain until they were soaked to the bone. Van Pelt let out a shiver and Rigsby suggested they head back to the limo. Before retreating, Lisbon placed a single yellow rose on three headstones: two older ones belonging to two special women that Lisbon never knew and one new one belonging to the man, the friend she was blessed to know if only for a short period of time. Together, the team rode back to the CBI office where a small reception was being held in the lounge on the bottom floor.

Lisbon wanted nothing to do with the reception, reassuring her teammates' worried glances by explaining to them that she was exhausted and didn't want to stay. They more than understood as Lisbon bypassed the lounge and instead retreated to the solitude of the bullpen on the third floor.

Lisbon was cold, wet, and completely drained. Her three hours of torture were officially over according to her watch but her heart told her it was only beginning. She walked into her office and picked up the object that was lying across her chair and walked back out into the bullpen. Her shoulders sagged as she dragged herself across the room to the object that was once known to offer peace to a weary CBI consultant, hoping it may do the same for her. Reaching Jane's couch, Lisbon collapsed onto it in a heap as she wrapped herself in the grey suit coat and cried herself to sleep.

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An evil laugh erupted from the now dark cemetery as a lone figure crept his way over to the newly filled grave.

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**Preview of next chapter: _Lisbon almost preferred the dreary rainclouds over the mocking sunlight that greeted her this morning._**

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So there you are. Let me know what you think of this chapter ;o)


	9. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:** Sorry I didn't post this this morning. The download manager was not working earlier. Thank you yaba, tigerlily124, jisbon-sessed, mtm, Koezh, and Sophie Fatale for reviewing the last chapter. I'm glad I haven't scared everyone away yet ;o) Well, enjoy the next chapter even if it is a tad late.

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Ch 8

**"Who will give me comfort when it's cold?"**

Lisbon woke with a jolt, disoriented as to where she was. Looking down at the object she was lying on, memories of the previous day came flooding back to her. If she tried real hard, Lisbon could pretend that this was a normal Friday morning. She could see Cho coming in first, eager to begin working followed by Rigsby and Van Pelt (five minutes apart of course attempting to hide the fact that they were now an item). Lastly, Jane would walk in with that typical boyish grin plastered to his face and four steaming cups of coffee in his hands. Even though the man preferred his own tea, it was a Friday morning tradition of his to present the caffeinated offering to the team.

Jane. The memory of a dream flashed across Lisbon's mind as she tried to remember the details. She had forgotten about the dream until just now. She had dreamed that Jane had come to visit her in the office.

_Lisbon was awakened from her troubled slumber at the slightest touch upon her face. Curiously, she opened her tired eyes to come face to face with the man who had taken the color from her word._

_ "Jane?"_

_ "Shh," he cooed. _

_ His thumb continued its trail along her cheek, wiping the stil-leaking moisture from her eyes. "Don't cry for me Lisbon. I'm not worth the tears."_

_ "Why Jane? Why did you not tell me what you were up to? I don't need protection from you. We could have gone together…all of us as a team."_

_ "You know you can't stand my banter in the car."_

_ "Right now, I would take a lifetime of your mindless banter over this figment of my imagination that I am being tortured with."_

_ "Lisbon… I need to go right now but I can promise you one thing. Things will look a little brighter in the morning."_

_ "Please Jane, don't go." Lisbon was pleading, "Who is going to catch Red John?" _

_ Lisbon couldn't believe she was trying to reason with an imaginary Jane._

_ "I am Lisbon. I am. Don't fret," whispered Jane as he leaned in close to place a small kiss on Lisbon's forehead. "Sleep Lisbon"_

_ "Mmhmm…" was the only response from Lisbon as she fell into a now dreamless sleep._

Lisbon glanced up at the clock on the wall and sighed. Dream Jane had been right about one thing. It was a brighter, physically anyway. The rain had stopped and the sun was now shining through the windows of the office. Lisbon almost preferred the dreary rainclouds over the mocking sunlight that greeted her this morning.

Jane's jacket must have slipped off her shoulders when she sat up. Retrieving it from the ground, she remembered that she had left her cell phone and purse in her office. Her team was probably worried about her by now. She would have to call them. Lisbon was a bit shaky as she stood up from the couch and made her way over to the small office. Picking up her phone, she was a bit surprised to find a total of eighteen messages. The first was Cho checking up on her sometime during the reception. The second was Rigsby calling to say that he and Van Pelt were leaving and that they would call her again in the morning. It was the third message that caused Lisbon to drop her phone in shock. She must have still been half asleep because only four words registered in her brain: cemetery, Red John, and custody.

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**Preview of next chapter:** _"If he so much as smiles too much, do what you have to."_

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So there you have the next chapter. One good thing about posting a bit later in the day is that it won't seem as long between this post and the next one ;o). Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: **Yay for a working download manager this morning! Haha. Thank you tigerlily124, jisbon-sessed, and mtm for your wonderful reviews. Enjoy this chapter!

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Ch 9

**"See, I never meant for you to have to crawl"**

Cho would have ripped the grin off the man's face if he wasn't separated by a thick piece of glass. It took everything for Cho not to storm in there and rip the guy limb from limb. He knew Jane would have approved of it. No, he would hold his ground if only for the woman sitting in the room with that, that monster.

He didn't understand how Lisbon could be so strong. Red John was smiling at her. He had just proceeded to explain to them how he had broke his cover and walked to the cemetery simply because he needed to see it all for himself. Thankfully, Minelli had posted a couple of agents there on a hunch that the sick man would want to see the resolution of his twisted game. The agents had called for backup at the sight of the dark figure walking slowly toward the consultant's grave. They could only watch as the man desecrated the dark marble stone with his own red signature.

Fifty agents may have been overkill but there was no way they were letting the murderer slip from their grasp again. Red John was just finishing up on is latest work of art when he was completely surrounded by CBI agents and local authorities.

Now, Red John was sitting in the interrogation room with Lisbon who was getting sick of his twisted grin. Without a word, Lisbon got up from her chair and left the room to meet Cho and Rigsby next door.

"I'll let you guys take a crack at him. I know you want to. Personally, I just want to get the sicko behind bars or better yet, on death row where he belongs. I turned off the surveillance camera earlier when I was in there. If he so much as smiles too much, do what you have to."

A half an hour later when Red John was finally let out of the room in shackles, he looked like he had fallen down a flight of stairs. A broken nose, two black eyes and a crushed, disfigured right hand were just the visual injuries Lisbon could see.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Red John tried to attack Cho." Rigsby said, not even trying to sound convincing.

Lisbon could only nod.

"Cho fought back and while he was at it, made sure the face on Jane's gravestone would be the last one Red John would ever paint."

Shivering, Lisbon watched Red John being led out of the office. She knew as well as Cho and Rigsby that the real cause of Red John's injuries would never leave the CBI building.

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It was an hour or so later when Lisbon got the phone call informing her that Red John had been successfully transported to the county jail until they could move him to a high security facility. Lisbon thanked the agent before hanging up to go search for her team.

She updated them on Red John and then decided she was going to tell them to take the rest of the day off.

"We've all been through enough the last few days. Why don't you guys go home." None of them had enough strength to argue with Lisbon but Van Pelt did speak up.

"Okay boss. What about you though? You need just as much rest as the rest of us."

"I'm planning on it Van Pelt. I promise. I'm planning on going home. There's just something I need to do first."

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**Preview of next chapter:_ Lisbon might as well have been one of the stone statues in the graveyard. The only evidence that she was a living person was her breathing and the rhythmic blinking of her eyelids. _**

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Please review... and read the next chapter tomorrow. It's my favorite one! ;o)


	11. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:** Thank you tigerlily124, Koezh, Jisbon-sessed, lisbon69, Teamlama, and mtm for reviewing the last chapter. So, this is my favorite chapter for many reason but one of the things I really like is that out of all the chapters, I think this is the one that leaves the clearest visual image in my head. If I was going to draw or paint any parts of this story, I think I would use the descriptions in the first few paragraphs. I'm going to stop my rambling now so all of you wonderful readers can enjoy this chapter.

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Ch 10

**"I never meant to let you go at all"**

Lisbon knelt on the still-damp ground with a sponge in hand, willing the red smile staring back at her to disappear from the once pristine grey stone. Tears of frustration welled up in her eyes at the slow progress she was making. Although her sponge was now a bright crimson color, the image on the stone remained, if a bit faded by Lisbon's efforts.

"A sledge hammer would be more effective in my opinion Lisbon."

Gasping, Lisbon glanced up, past the face on the stone, and past the etched words '_Faithful Father, Husband, and Friend'_ to the reflection of the figure now standing behind her. She couldn't see past the worn brown shoes and the pressed grey pants but she knew that voice. She hadn't heard that voice since her dream the night of his funeral. Lisbon realized she was officially going insane but she didn't really care as she turned around to face her blond consultant.

"We caught Red John. He's going to rot in jail for good." Lisbon said, going along with her own insanity.

"I know. It was my idea. It's finally over Lisbon."

Lisbon looked at Jane but didn't really know what to say. What do you say to a ghost anyway?

"I'm not a ghost Lisbon nor am I a figment of your imagination. You're as sane as you were a week ago. Well almost, no thanks to me."

"But…"

"Just listen to me please Lisbon. I came up with this crazy idea on how to flush out Red John. Minelli knew. I kind of forced him to help me with this. Seeing how completely obsessed he is over my torture, I knew that if something happened to me, Red John's curiosity couldn't possibly keep him away. I also knew he wanted this game of his to end on his terms. I knew that when Red John realized that he could no longer control my fate, he would make one final move, leaving his mark on the only place left. This was the one move I could make in which Red John couldn't anticipate. He was forced to act and that caused him drop his guard. His obsession over me inevitably led to his capture."

Lisbon might as well have been one of the stone statues in the graveyard. The only evidence that she was a living person was her breathing and the rhythmic blinking of her eyelids.

"Oh, and you weren't dreaming the other night. I couldn't stand to watch you broken over my demise. I couldn't help myself," Jane admitted with a small smile.

_**Flashback**_

_ Jane wandered into the dark office early Friday morning after talking to Minelli on the phone. Minelli had told Jane that Red John was officially in captivity which Jane knew wasn't ideal but he had agreed to do this on Minelli's terms. Jane could only hope that Red John got what was coming to him sooner rather than later. _

_ Minelli had also expressed his concern for Lisbon as he hadn't seen her at the reception downstairs. Jane had a hunch as to where he could find the emerald-eyed Lisbon which was why he was now walking through the main door into the bullpen. Jane knew he shouldn't have come here but when he spotted Lisbon curled up on his couch with his jacket draped over her shoulders, he knew he had made the right decision._

_ Jane stood back and watched her from a distance but couldn't stay away long as he noticed the tears streaming down Lisbon's face. Even in sleep, Lisbon was haunted and Jane realized he was at fault. _

_ Walking over to his couch, Jane knelt down by Lisbon's trembling form. He lightly brushed the hair out of her face before wiping the tears away with his thumb. He was seriously beginning to regret his decision to ever lie to Lisbon when her eyes opened._

_ "Jane?" Lisbon was clearly confused and still half asleep._

_ "Shh…" Jane tried to comfort the quivering Lisbon, his thumb moving in slow circles on the side of her face._

_ With the next words that came out of Lisbon's mouth, Jane was sure she should have found another way to catch Red John._

_ "Why Jane?..."_

_ Jane Left Lisbon after convincing her she had been sleeping but not before placing a light kiss on her forehead.  
"Sleep Lisbon."_

_ "Mmhmm"_

_ Jane made a promise to himself at that moment, before the day was through, he would relieve Lisbon of the heartache he was causing her. He just hoped Lisbon could find it in her shattered heart to forgive him._

_**End Flashback**_

Jane felt a sharp pain on his left cheek and realized he had just been slapped by Lisbon before she made a hurried retreat in the opposite direction. Red John's obsession for Jane had ruined any future plans the murder may have had planned for Jane. In a sickening realization, Jane was suddenly worried that his own obsession for Red John may have ruined any friendship he had built with Lisbon.

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**Preview of next chapter:**_ Lisbon didn't know whether to be furious or ecstatic at Jane's mysterious resurrection. Half of her wanted to run to him, proving to herself that he was indeed alive, and another part of her wanted to kill him herself so she could just continue to wallow in her misery. _

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_Everyone can take a big deep breath out now. Did you really think I was going to be that mean? Nah, couldn't do it. Kudos to those who made accurate predictions early on. There are still another four chapters to this so enjoy the rest of the ride. Oh, and please review ;o)


	12. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: **Thank you lisbon69, mtm, jisbon-sessed, krolinette, Koezh, and Country 2776 for the wonderful reviews! Hope you like this next chapter.

Ch 11

**"And who will I belong to when the day just won't give in?"**

Jane gave Lisbon ten minutes before going to find her. As he expected, she was not very far away sitting quietly on a bench. Walking closer to her he noticed her shoulders were slumped and shaking. Too many tears had been shed because of him and he was determined to make things right. Jane just wished he knew how.

Lisbon didn't know whether to be furious or ecstatic at Jane's mysterious resurrection. Half of her wanted to run to him, proving to herself that he was indeed alive, and another part of her wanted to kill him herself so she could just continue to wallow in her misery. Hearing footsteps behind her she knew he had found her (not that it was very difficult as she didn't have the strength to run very far). She didn't look up and he didn't speak so she assumed he was waiting for her to say something.

"Can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't hate you right now Jane?"

Jane sighed, "I'm not going to stand here and try give you excuses for my actions. I did what I thought was necessary without hurting any more people in the process."

"You don't think this hurt me, hurt the team? I'm not sitting here a mess because I have allergies Jane! This was never about me or the team but about the overwhelming obsession you have to…"

Lisbon stopped suddenly and turned to look at Jane for the first time since he had found her on the bench in shambles. The sadness in his eyes told her he knew the question she was about to ask.

"Why? Why didn't you do it? How many times did you explain to me in vivid detail what you were going to do if you ever found Red John? What stopped you?"

Looking at the ground, Jane took a deep breath before answering Lisbon. "Before I joined the CBI, I was nothing. I was a shell of a man whose sole desire to live was fueled by his need for revenge. I told you once that other than the CBI, I had nothing else to do. You and the team adopted me as one of your own. Lisbon, the mother hen, making sure I didn't stick my 'hand on the burner' so to speak, when you probably should have let me on more than one occasion. Cho and Rigsby have defended my brainless actions more times than I could count. They are better than any brothers I could have asked for. Van Pelt has always been my constant optimist. I'll never admit it to her, but I have come to need her positive view on things.

It wasn't until the tragedy with Bosco's team that I realized I couldn't risk loosing the people who had come along and become my new, somewhat dysfunctional family. I had to make a drastic move to prevent something like that happening to you, or the team. It was only a matter of time before Red John took you away from me like he took everything else in my life that mattered. I barely survived it the first time. I, I, knew I wouldn't make it the second time around. At some point, my need to protect you overshadowed my need to kill Red John. Besides, if I've learned anything this week, I've learned that I can't leave you, Lisbon."

"God Jane," Lisbon sobbed, uncontrollably now.

She couldn't resist any longer as she ran into his welcoming embrace. Relief washed over her as she made contact with the very solid, very much alive, Patrick Jane. She clung to him for dear life worried, he may disappear if she let go.

Jane held Lisbon as a wave of emotions washed through the woman in his arms. A few tears of his own had escaped and were now slowly trailing down his face. How he longed for this moment when he could finally take her into his arms and assure her things were going to be okay.

"Promise me you'll never do anything like this to me again," Lisbon managed to choke out.

Jane's only response was to hold her tighter, silently reassuring Lisbon that he had no intention of hurting her ever again.

Neither of them knew how long they had stood there taking comfort in one another but Lisbon's sobs began to slow until they were reduced to the occasional sniffle. It took her a while to muster up the courage to loosen the death grip she had on Jane but eventually she did just enough to look at his face. It was then she noticed the small trails of tears that had leaked from his eyes. In an effort that mirrored Jane's the previous night, Lisbon lightly brushed the tears from Jane's face before reaching to feel his golden hair. She wanted to take in every detail of the man in front of her from his golden locks to the endless depths of his ocean blue eyes. Lisbon thanked whatever God was listening for the color that had been returned to her world in the form of her blond consultant.

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**Preview of next chapter: **_Rigsby was tired and somewhat annoyed that Lisbon had called them in on a Saturday. She had given them Friday afternoon off only to call them in the following day. Did the woman even know how to grieve?_

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Hope you enjoyed. Please review ;o)


	13. Chapter 12

**Author's Note:** Thank you tigerlily124, krolinette, Karoline Saavedra, mtm, jisbon-sessed, lisbon69, and Koezh for your reviews. I can't believe there's only a couple chapters left of this. Enjoy this one ;o)

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Ch 12  
**"I am only human"**

Rigsby was tired and somewhat annoyed that Lisbon had called them in on a Saturday. She had given them Friday afternoon off only to call them in the following day. Did the woman even know how to grieve? Rigsby couldn't pick up any hint of emotion in his boss's voice on the phone which he figured couldn't be healthy. Rigsby knocked on the bedroom door for the third time to see if Van Pelt was ready to leave.

Lisbon and her team (minus one) were assembled in interrogation room one when Minelli walked in. He nodded to Lisbon before taking a seat in the nearest metal chair.

"What's this all about?" Cho asked, praying this had nothing to do with the man that should be slowly rotting away in jail at the moment.

As if on cue, Lisbon slipped out of the room as the three remaining agents turned to face the CBI boss.

"Lisbon has already heard my spiel so I have excused her from listening to it again. What I'm about to tell you, I'm not proud of but it was something that I felt needed to be done at the time. This week has been as difficult for me as it has been for you, but surprisingly for different reasons. The events you all have witnessed over the last few days have not been exactly accurate."

"What are you saying Sir?" said Rigsby still annoyed.

The added confusion was not helping his mood.

"Lisbon?"

Hearing her name, Lisbon entered the room followed by their missing team member. His hands were in his pockets and his eyes were glued to the floor, not wanting to see the team's reaction.

The first words heard were from Van Pelt.

"Oh thank heavens! Jane!"

Jane hadn't prepared himself for the red-headed woman who tackled him at that moment. Jane almost lost his balance as he returned Grace's embrace. He then looked up to see the two remaining members of the team in a state of shock.

Minelli decided now was as good a time as any to continue on with the explanation of events.

"As you can clearly see Jane is no more deceased than he was a week ago before this horrible nightmare started. He came to me with this insane idea to catch Red John. I denied Jane's request at first but when I realized he was going to go through with his plan or something equally anyway, I decided I had to go along with it so I could at least keep an eye on him. Thankfully the only sacrifice we ended up having to make was to Jane's beloved car."

"But what about the news I saw? You couldn't have possibly involved all of California in this."

Van Pelt was still holding on to Jane's arm. Like Lisbon, Van Pelt needed reassurance that the man was indeed real.

"Ah, Great question Grace," Jane spoke for the first time. "This," the three agents noticed the object in Jane's hand for the first time, "is the so called news broadcast you saw."

Jane handed the tape to Van Pelt.

"I had this made Monday night after I received approval from Minelli. That's why I wasn't there when you left work around midnight Lisbon."

Rigsby stood up at this time, followed closely behind by Cho. Rigsby gave Jane a good look as if not believing what he was seeing before pulling the man into a hug. Cho was next in line as he too welcomed back his friend.

Pulling back from Cho's embrace, Jane spoke. "Thank you Rigsby and especially you Cho for doing to Red John what I was unable to do."

"No problem man. I wish we could have finished the job," Cho stated honestly.

"Van Pelt, Cho, Rigsby… take all the time you need but I just wanted to tell you that I'm obviously not requiring you to stay today. I only called you in because we couldn't keep this from you any longer. I'll be in my office if you need me," Lisbon said as she walked over toward the door, followed closely behind by Minelli.

Lisbon had spent the entire evening talking with Jane and assuring herself that he wasn't going to disappear on her again. Her team needed time to do the same. Besides, she needed a drink.

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**Preview of next chapter: _"You know Lisbon, you can't get too comfortable. You're going to have to relinquish my property at some point," Jane was smirking at her. _**

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I hope you guys like some fluff. After all the angst I put you through, I figured you deserved it. Reviews are much appreciated ;o)


	14. Chapter 13

Author's Note: Thank you tigerlily124, Karoline Saavedra, jisbon-sessed, Nick Tarostar, and mtm for your reviews. This chapter is a little fluff preview. Enjoy ;o)

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Ch 13  
**"And all I am is all I cannot mention"**

Jane went searching for Lisbon after finally saying goodnight to his three teammates. They only left after Jane suggested they come over to his place tomorrow for a cookout. The inside of his house may not be that homey but he did have a grill somewhere out in the shed and a beautiful beach-front that he wanted to share with his friends. Van Pelt and Rigsby agreed to bring food as Jane was sure he had no food at his place. Cho volunteered to pick up some drinks (of the alcoholic and non-alcoholic variety).

As Jane rounded the corner into the bullpen, he was struck with a familiar sight. Lying on his couch was Lisbon. She was again fast asleep with his jacket draped on her shoulders but this time she actually looked peaceful. Neither he nor Lisbon had done much sleeping the previous night as they stayed up talking and just taking comfort in each other's company. Jane didn't want to wake her but he did want to invite her to his house for the cookout. Gently shaking Lisbon's shoulder Jane tried to rouse the sleeping brunette.

"Lisbon?"

She let out a small whine as she turned and opened her eyes.

"You know Lisbon, you can't get too comfortable. You're going to have to relinquish my property at some point," Jane was smirking at her.

It had only been a couple of days but oh how she missed it. Taking the item that Lisbon had found some comfort in during Jane's absence, Lisbon handed over Jane's suit jacket.

"Thank you Lisbon but I wasn't really talking about the jacket."

Lisbon sat up and realized that Jane was referring to his beloved couch.

"Do you think we could share it? I didn't realize how comfortable it was until…" Lisbon asked pleading with her momentarily saddened eyes.

At that moment Jane would have given Lisbon the world if she asked for it. He sat down next her and gathered her in his arms. She rested her head under his chin and he smiled. "Of course we can share it Lisbon."

Jane began to stroke Lisbon's hair as her breathing evened out and she was again asleep. He had forgotten to ask her about the cookout but it didn't really matter. Jane was fairly certain he would still be with her in the morning anyway as he too surprisingly began to doze off.

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**Preview of the last :o( chapter: **_Jane wondered what was taking Lisbon so long. She realized Jane had forgotten to plan a desert and had offered to run to the store for some ice cream. _

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_Sorry this is short but it's sweet and should hold you over till tomorrow. One more chapter left and one more twist to go plus lots of wonderful fluff ;o)


	15. Epilogue

Author's Note: Firs of all I want to apologize to those who tried to read chapter thirteen yesterday morning and found chapter three posted in its place. It should be fixed as of yesterday afternoon. Second, I want to thank everyone who has reviewed. So many of you have been so faithful and reviewed multiple chapters. All the reviews are very much appreciated. I hope you enjoy this last chapter.

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_Epilogue_

_Jane chuckled as he watched Rigsby sneak up behind Van Pelt with a bucket of water in his hands. Van Pelt was attempting to sun bathe on Jane's lawn. Jane knew Rigsby had succeeded when he heard a shriek coming from Van Pelt's direction._

_ "I'm going to kill you Rigsby!!"_

_ Van Pelt was up and running after the suddenly very frightened Rigsby._

_ Jane wondered what was taking Lisbon so long. She realized Jane had forgotten to plan a desert and had offered to run to the store for some ice cream. Jane didn't have to wonder any longer as Lisbon came through the door juggling two heavy boxes and what looked like a newspaper._

_ "I thought I sent you out for ice cream."_

_ "It's in the freezer but I have two presents for you first."_

_ Jane was genuinely surprised and for the first time, he didn't have a clue what Lisbon could be carrying in those boxes of hers._

_ "First and foremost, this," Lisbon said, handing Jane the newspaper. _

_ Confused, Jane glanced at the paper when the headline caught his attention. The death stare Jane was giving the newspaper stopped Rigsby and Van Pelt from their cat and mouse game. They walked over to where Jane was standing, looking over his shoulder at the paper. Cho came over as well, abandoning the grilling burgers._

_ Jane started reading out loud._

_ "Agents from the California Bauru of Investigation captured the serial killer better known as Red John who had been at large for the past ten years, on Friday night. In a startling turn of events, the man who had yet to go on trial was found dead in his cell at the county jail this morning. While it is unclear at this time what led to his death, authorities are leaning toward homicide by fellow inmates. An inmate who goes by the name of Axel was questioned earlier in accordance with this investigation. As far as we know, there have been no official charges made at this time. Red John was scheduled to be transported to a high security facility later on today."_

_ "So, Red John is dead?" asked Cho, unsure of the whole thing._

_ "Yup. I called Minelli as soon as I saw the paper. He confirmed the whole thing."_

_ "So this is all really over." Jane said it more as a statement than a question.  
"Almost," said Lisbon._

_ "Almost?" questioned Van Pelt as Lisbon began to open one of the two boxes she had brought over._

_ "Yup. Jane, pick a color," Lisbon demanded as she began to pull cans out of the box. _

_ "Okay, green, but I still don't understand what…"_

_ "I had these cans of paint that I hadn't unpacked from my place and I know a room in your house that could use a fresh coat," she said looking at Jane and beckoning him to understand._

_ For a mentalist, Jane was rather slow today when it finally dawned on him where Lisbon was going with the conversation. _

_ "After lunch?" Jane suggested._

_ "Sounds good."_

_ The five teammates enjoyed their slightly charred burgers and ice cream sundaes before they made their way inside of Jane's almost empty house. Both Jane and Lisbon took a can of green paint while Rigsby and Cho lugged the supplies up the stairs to Jane's bedroom. Lisbon poured the paint into the pan before covering the roller in it. She handed the roller to Jane who paused momentarily to take in the image that had haunted him for so many years. Taking a deep breath, he moved the roller over the image, until it could no longer be seen on the wall. _

_ In no time at all, they had the wall painted and they were heading downstairs for refreshments. Rigsby, Cho and Van Pelt enjoyed a cold beer while Jane began brewing some coffee for Lisbon. He already had put the kettle on the stove for some tea. They talked until early morning when Jane decided to call it a night. Neither Lisbon nor he had slept much recently and he was sure the others were still tired as well. They said their goodnights after promising to make this a normal occurrence (minus the painting session)._

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_

_ Jane was about to turn off the kitchen light and attempt to get some much needed sleep when there was a knock at the door. He opened it, surprised to find Lisbon there with a duffle bag in hand. _

_ "When I went to get the paint I packed a bag. You can't sleep in your room anyway with all the wet paint. I figured we could have a sleepover. We've spent the last couple nights together and I don't think I can…"_

_ "I understand Lisbon," said Jane as he ushered Lisbon back into his house._

_ "Besides, we have plans tomorrow."_

_ "We do?"_

_ "Yeah, your boss has decided to take her team on a field trip tomorrow."_

_ "And where my dear Lisbon is my boss taking her team."_

_ "Well you see, she has this adorable yet terribly annoying consultant who has no furniture in his house and she figured it's about time he got some."_

_ "This boss of mine has a good point," Jane chucked as he helped Lisbon set up the sleeping bags in front of the now lit fireplace . _

_ It was later when she lay awake listening to the most beautiful sound in the world. She realized her current position may very well be more comfortable than the couch in the bullpen and the person in her grasp much more comforting than the grey suit jacket had been. Closing her eyes, she fell asleep to the sound of two different rhythms. The first was the soft snore that emerged from the man by her side. The second was that same man's heartbeat reminding her that things were indeed going to be okay._

"_And who will tell me how it ends, and how it all begins?"_

_fin_

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So, there you have it, my first mentalist fic now complete. I would love to hear what you thought of the whole thing. Any tips or comments I could use to improve my next one would be fantastic. I'm in the process of writing my second but it's going to be a while as I like to have the whole thing completely finished before I begin posting. Thanks again to all my readers and reviewers.


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